dis week prt 2...

4 dis post, i'm gonna write bout my other part of dis week...well actually nt dis week...i'm gonna start frm d lst week of d holidays...since d last week of holidays...i hv been feeling kinda weird...how do i describe it? sad, depressed, lost & uncertain...why? i dunno...dis despite d fact dat i actually lay on my bed on tuesday nite thinking bout d reasons...cmae up wif a few...dis year is STPM year, lot's of prefect & interact work, gotta start doing hsework, going back 2 sch...BUT...in d END... i wiped them all away...those were nt d reasons...i actually dun mind d prefect & interact heavy burden & workloads(kinda enjoys them)...hsework dun bother me(helps me lose sum weight)...by working hard, STPM will nt seem so tough & going bck 2 sch is juz normal...so wat made me feel weird???? IT WAS HER... since sch started...i hv being trying 2 find ways 2 cheer myself up & made d feeling go away...i tried cheering myself up by teeling myself dat i m in my senior year...i can "bully" sum juniors...sadly, d feeling oni lasted 4 awhile...1stly, i dun enjoy bullying ppl...disturbing yes...but not bully...being able 2 order my juniors is nothing...it is my duty as a senior 2 address d juniors if they r wrong...i had 2 put up a happy face in front of my frens in sch...i tried making myself look cheerfull & happy...but deep dwn inside my heart...i wasn't feeling gd at all...met amirul afham on monday affternoon...he was bck 4 d holidays frm matriculation...& he is nt my best fren 4 nothing...after a gew minutes of chatting, he could sense dat i was not my usual self...sumthing none of my frens in EC could detect(no offens)...well him being my best fren...i duly told him why...talking 2 him sorta made me feel better...4 awhile at least...d feeling was soooo BAD dat i turned of d tv while watching Football Focus on tuesday...a program dat i normaly enjoys...i found myself unable to enjoy d normaly funny, good & intresting banter among d 5 pundits...even wen i was warching Heroes on thursday...i knew i wasn't enjoying d show...oni didn't turned it of bcos if i did, i would hv 2 watch it on9...d worst was 2day...juz after dinnner...i uninstalled Football Manager...yep dat's rite...dunno why but i suddenly had d feeling dat i didn't wanna play d game anymore till after STPM(resh...got ntg 2 do wif wat u said)...i actually stalled at d uninstall button 4 10mins...i mean dis is a game dat means a whole lot 2 me...it's part of my life...!!! but i did it anyway...dun regret it though...nid 2...cos wen i reinstall d game on d same com...d data will still be there...but dat's nt d main point...so 4 now...i will not be playing FM...not sure how long be4 i get cold turkey...i'm hoping it will last till d end of d year...oso, my life after STPM as left me wondering...taking econs, i am considering trying 2 further my studies 2 d LONDON SCHOOL of ECONOMICS...it's 1 of d best economic university in d world...BUT 4 me 2 achieve dat dream...i will need excellence in my STPM...sigh...pondering over my future has oso left me in a state of unknown...i wonder if i will end up being a NOBODY, who has 2 depend on other ppl...or a SOMEONE who can count on himself & help others...hmm...it's getting late...going 2 hit d sack...hopefully i'll be more vibrant d nxt time i post...cheerio!!!